{Contest} Best Blonde Joke for 100B

I'm fully aware that there is already a joke thread here, but I thought I would give it a little twist. Seeing as how I am miserably bored at the moment, I am willing to broker 100B to whoever can make me "LOL" the loudest. example givien-->

I am also aware that there are guidelines, rules, and standards to the materials allowed on these boards, so lets keep it clean! I'm thinking 24 hours from right now, I will review the jokes and decide which is funniest. Please, only one joke per post, but you can post more than one joke, just no double posting. (this rule is to keep people from copying a full page of random blonde jokes and pasting them here)

*legal disclaimer* The blondes portrayed in the following jokes are works of fiction and in no way depict the real life nature of any users of these boards, or any living(or deceased) human being in general. Please enjoy responsibly...

Ill start us off:

Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:

"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!

Second Blonde:

Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

damn TBR that was the one I was going to do. ok here is another


On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know

Ok, 24 hours is up, and considering only two people took me up on my offer, both will get brokers for their jokes!

WOOT!

but I have more blonde jokes


This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
Blonde Jokes

While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.

The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.

Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.

He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.

She replies, "Yes."

He asks what she is doing.

She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.

She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."


oh I dont want another broker for this ok! (like I was going to get one eh lol)

Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep
hole.

"Wow...that looks deep."

"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.

"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks
down there. Those should make a noise."

They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole
and wait... and wait. Nothing.

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his
face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a
railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in,
it's GOTTA make some noise."

The two men drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a
sound comes from the hole.

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a sheep appears, running like the
wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them,
running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air
and into the hole.

The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...
Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over.

Hey... you two guys seen my sheep out here?

You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen! It came running like crazy
and just jumped into this hole!

Nah, says the farmer, That couldn't have been MY sheep. My sheep was
chained to a railroad tie.

It was a blonde sheep!!

LMAO!! never heard that one before. I woke my dog up from laughing too loud.


Heres a quick one for ya:

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

what do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?

take out the pin and throw it back!

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

BUMP


reopened, same rules as post number 1. 24 hours from now, YOU could be getting a broker for 100 BILLION Naquadah. Just post blonde jokes. Its THAT easy!

A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
"My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

lol, stupid blonde and her Little Trees air freshener. To quote ~Arma~ and Achilles from Troy....

IS THERE NO ONE ELSE?!?!?!?

The war cry ran high in the winds. The millions of troops stood back as their hero entered the arena. The imposing figure of the 3 foot 1 inch hero ARMASPAMMING (The rest of the troops were 2 foot 1 inch) prepared to tell his joke.

Now for the joke. oldie but a goody

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

A: She was throwing all the W's away.

Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought

DOUBLE POST! DOUBLE POST!!!!

but still, lol.

Q: What do you call a really smart blonde?
A: A golden retriever.

Has this one been done??

not that I can tell, at least in this thread, so it qualifies.

This contest is now closed.

Like before, since only two people posted in here, I will be sending brokers to both.

The Black Rider wrote:

DOUBLE POST! DOUBLE POST!!!!

but still, lol.

Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take
the day off and go relax."

Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically.

He rushes over an asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?"

Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"